Do You Really Know Yourself? A Deep Dive into the Secrets of "Being Authentic" ✨

The more difficult life is, the more we need to "be true to ourselves" - As someone who has always been indecisive, often saying "okay, whatever you want, I'm fine with it" and constantly being labeled as a typical people-pleaser, I have long admired and envied friends who know what they want and don't want, and can confidently express their thoughts. On the other hand, I often feel confused about my own inner self. My confusion lies not only in the inability to "be myself," but also in the lack of clarity about what my true self really is - When I say "okay, I can do it," am I really capable? When I say "no," do I really not want it? Even when I ask myself these questions, I often cannot find the answers, feeling empty inside. I wonder if it's because I'm so used to ignoring my true thoughts that finding them has become incredibly difficult? Recently, I read a paper that systematically explains the importance of authenticity in an individual's thoughts, experiences, behaviors, and interpersonal relationships. When life becomes difficult, being true to ourselves is one way we can combat uncertainty. If you, like me, are confused about how to be true to yourself, this article should be helpful. People who can't be true to themselves often feel internally unstable Before discussing authenticity, researchers and psychologists Michael H. Kernis and Brian M. Goldman first identified some characteristics of individuals lacking authenticity: 1. They are unable to truly perceive their own feelings, emotions, and desires, and cannot understand their true needs and wants or find meaning and purpose in life. 2. They cannot accurately understand their own needs and desires, and therefore cannot make conscious and firm choices based on self-awareness. Instead, they live their lives in a way that responds to external expectations, choosing behaviors that the external world deems good. 3. When the external environment changes, they present completely different versions of themselves to meet different demands. In daily life, they may make contradictory and confusing choices and behaviors that they themselves cannot understand or explain. Even in close relationships, they cannot find their true selves. 4. They fluctuate between excessive self-confidence and excessive self-doubt. They cannot accept negative evaluations calmly, and when faced with negative feedback, they simultaneously want to retaliate and doubt themselves, trapped in a state of confusion and inability to escape. From these descriptions, we can see that not being true to oneself is a state of instability and confusion, as if there is a lack of a constant measure deep within, like a small boat floating on the waves without direction, simply going with the flow. What does it mean to have a high level of authenticity? The two researchers provide a clear definition of "being true to oneself": being able to smoothly operate in daily life based on one's authentic core self. The higher the degree to which a person's feelings, thoughts, and behaviors reflect their "true/core self," the more authentic they are. From a more specific perspective, this includes four aspects. Self-awareness and self-understanding Self-awareness and understanding refer to how much knowledge a person has about themselves, or how strong their motivation is to improve self-knowledge. Self-knowledge includes motivations, feelings, desires, self-perception (such as preferences, strengths, weaknesses, goals, aspirations, personality traits, and emotional states). The researchers point out that everyone's self is complex. For example, someone who is mostly introverted may also have an extroverted side, or someone who is mostly emotional may also have a rational side. When we don't understand this complexity ourselves, we become confused. Through self-awareness, we can form a coherent and multifaceted understanding and sense of identity. The benefits of doing this are not only to have a more comprehensive understanding of ourselves, but also to have the confidence and ease to draw upon different aspects of ourselves when facing different situations. Processing and evaluating self-relevant information Being true to oneself means being able to handle various "evaluative information" about oneself without bias. It means being able to objectively understand oneself without distorting self-perception due to emotions. Whether positive or negative, individuals can approach these evaluations rationally without exaggerating their strengths or avoiding negative information. Unlike self-awareness, this level refers more to how a person processes newly acquired knowledge about themselves. Research shows that when a person lacks security and confidence, they are more likely to avoid negative information about themselves and seek praise. On the other hand, when they are confident, they are better able to handle negative information. Behavior Being true to oneself means aligning behavior with one's values, preferences, and needs. In other words, people are truly themselves when their actions are not aimed at pleasing others or seeking rewards or avoiding punishment, but rather when they genuinely want to do something. This is the behavioral aspect of "being true to oneself." Relationship status People who are "truly present" at this level believe that maintaining openness and transparency in close relationships is crucial. They want others to see their "true" selves, and they also want to see the "true" selves of others. To achieve this state of mutual honesty and trust, they are not afraid to show vulnerability in these relationships. When faced with conflicts, they are more likely to express their true opinions rather than appease the other person to avoid conflicts. Research has found that these relationships, which allow both parties to be truly present, are crucial and have long-term effects on people's psychological states and sense of happiness. Eastern metaphysical interpretation In Eastern metaphysics, long-term deep liking is seen as a resonance between souls, a combination of destiny and fate. We develop long-term deep liking for someone because they play a special role in our lives, helping us discover our true selves and fulfilling our subconscious needs. This kind of connection not only keeps us positive, but also becomes our support in times of hardship, promoting mutual growth. Cultivating long-term deep liking To cultivate long-term deep liking, first, we must be aware of and cherish our unique qualities. Then, we must consistently be true to ourselves and not go with the flow. Finally, we should amplify our strengths and make an effort to understand and care for others. Wearing jewelry that includes moonstone, incorporating feng shui patterns such as cloud and mandarin duck, and choosing lucky colors such as aquamarine and sunset can enhance the flow of energy and increase the frequency of emotional resonance. Embrace long-term deep liking If you also believe in the magic of long-term deep liking, share this article! 💖✨