How do you break through the fear that comes with failure?
In my book, The Charisma Personality, I explore the widely known truth that true growth arises from the interaction of the self with, and feedback from, reality. Our selves are enriched by this interactive process. If we resist this interaction, we spend our energy maintaining a false self-image, failing to enter reality and make real change.
It sounds simple, but why do we still resist entering reality?
The reason is that reality is always accompanied by the possibility of failure. Failure is feared because:
- At the transactional level, failure brings loss, and loss brings pain;
- At the level of the self, failure means that we lose an opportunity to become our ideal self, which can bring about a deep sense of loss;
- At the relational level, failure brings shame, as if "someone else" is laughing at us for pursuing something we don't deserve, even though often that "someone else" is just our inner voice.
This shame may even outweigh the desire for success and keep people from moving forward.
So, since failure is so scary, how do we get rid of that fear and face reality?
Not long ago, I met a friend who inspired me by sharing his experience of coming out of depression.
This friend was a typical "good student" who grew up to be the captain of his school's football team and had high expectations, including his own. He dreamed of going to the best school to study the best majors, but he didn't get into his dream school, Yale, and had to go to an ordinary school.
This sense of loss is something that many Americans experience. Having been a good student for too long, he didn't know how to deal with failure. The most direct path is to go to graduate school to Yale, but the fear of failure keeps him from making up his mind. One moment he wants to go to England, the next he wants to continue his current university, the next he feels it's impractical, and he's constantly depressed in internal conflict.
It wasn't until only the last three months of exams were left that he finally asked himself, "What am I afraid of?" That's when a truth surfaced, "I'm just afraid of failing. The last failure hit me so hard that I was afraid to try again."
He took a long breath. Fear takes shape and sometimes we can face it. The exam turned out to be not only a professional exam but also about courage and confidence. He decided that he would try no matter what, and even if he failed, he would have no regrets.
The change from "taking exams for the sake of success" to "the attempt itself is meaningful" gave him the motivation to take action. Over the next three months, he studied for the exams and his depression began to improve.
The final results are in. He missed by one point and once again lost out to Yale.
Regrets stacked on top of new regrets, but this time the regrets brought new experiences: a one-point difference clearly measured the distance between him and his dream, and it turned out that he wasn't that far off from his dream.
Instead, this sense of reality made him grounded. He thought, "If I hadn't prepared so hastily, would the results have been different?" So he decided to give himself another chance and retake the test.
Another year of grueling and stressful test preparation. This year, he learned to let go of his baggage and focus more on the task at hand. Along with depression, he developed hope.
The results of the exam came out. Unfortunately, he missed by one point again. But this time, fate was on his side, a classmate in front of him chose to go abroad, he entered the interview as a substitute and finally passed the exam.
Failure is scary; worse than failure is imagined failure.
This friend was undoubtedly fortunate. With one stroke of fate, failure was transformed from imagination to reality, freeing him from the fear of failure; and with another stroke, he was given what he had been seeking.
You might ask: would he have been more depressed if it hadn't turned out so fortunately? Would that failure have become another shackle of fear?
It is certainly possible. But I'm sure that even then, the lessons he learned from it beyond failure are far from meaningless.
It's about the experience of taking action. "I'm going to try, and even if I fail, I won't have any regrets."
Sometimes, once we have the ability to act, results can no longer bind us.
And a lot of things will be different because of it. So, my friend, you can absolutely enhance your mind power through a set of methods based on Eastern philosophy, aesthetics and feng shui Spiritual Energy. You can wear jewelry that contains the following materials:
and the following Chinese feng shui patterns:
- Ox pattern
- Beast face
- Fire
all of which have strong protective power and can enhance the energy of the jewelry. This group of traditional oriental colors:
- Honeyed
- Gardenia Fruit Yellow
- Cocoon Yellow
is a group of powerful lucky colors, for you to create Spiritual Energy.